Trying to be positive everyday eventhough my life had turn 180 degree the other way round. Things I've never thought will happen well...they happened. Have to be strong for people that I love and love me. InsyaAllah everything will turn fine again.

Lesson learnt

Hi Assalamualaikum.
Just finished my oncall yesterday. It was my second time oncall.  Much busier compared to the previous one. Anyway I'm not going to rant on about how busy I was on that day haha just want to share something on here so that I'll not forget about it in future.
So I was clerking this one particular person in A&E. The mother of a child who had injured his wrist after he fell down from non moving motorcycle. It was late at night and I was already drained out after working for hours. I got pretty annoyed after the mother frequently asked me to repeat my question every damn time. But I had hide it well by keeping my voice tone downed and managed to fake a smile as well haha. Like when I asked how did he fell? She went "Huh?"When I asked whether the motorcycle fell down on her child after that she went with "huh?" while wrinkling her forehead like I was asking some pretty weird question. I'd assumed.  
So while things became silence in the room for a moment while I was writing down the history on the clerking sheet, the mother suddenly told me, "I've pretty bad ears doctor, my hearing isn't normal nowadays. Thank you for not scolding me. Other people won't understand and easily snapped out on me for not listening what they were saying.."
I was so ashamed with myself because I might snapped out on her any time soon at that time. Luckily I was not. Have to remind myself to be patient with others and not letting my stressful working life affect other people as well.
Oh ya, btw I'm currently in Orthopedics posting. *cries*

The Boy in The Stripped Pyjamas


Hey guys.

I just want to share some random things. Well, I just started reading the novel-The Boy in The Stripped Pyjamas which I bought during Big Bad Wolf event at MICC, Serdang about three years ago (2014). Yup, such a hoarder. It was written by John Boyne (like you know who he is haha). While I was strolling around looking for books that I might like\love, believe me it took hours haha, I’d stumbled upon this novel and then it straight away brought back some memories. Few years before that, it was in 2010 I think, one of my closest friends named Fatin had casually asked me on Facebook whether I ever watched a movie of the same title. We used to have frequent silly conversation on FB back then. I proudly told her I had watched it even though I have not. Haha. She knew me well and she has right to be dubious, so she asked me what happened to Bruno (the character in that movie) in the end? It was so easy because I was able to google it in a jiffy before I replied to her the exact answer. She was that gullible I know.  Anyway, I knew it'll be a good read years before from that a few seconds of skimming the plot summary on Wikipedia hence that was how I picked up the book :D
So anyways, after years of keeping this book untouched, I wanted to give it a try. And I tried refraining myself from skipping this book and just watch the movie instead. But I failed. Of course. I had finished the movie today haha and I can say that the movie was nice and I cried. It’s now to pick up the book again and continue the page that I left.

 This story was about a 9 year old boy named Bruno living in Berlin, Germany during holocaust era in 1940s. It started with Bruno being frustrated with his parents for having all the family to move to somewhere far until later on it's mentioned to be Poland. Having him to say goodbye to his best friends, his homier hometown etc. His father had been promoted (as if that's the right word in military) to 'Commandant'. His father was a someone important in the rank of German soldiers who had been appointed by the 'Fury' to carry some duties in some other place. So they needed to move. About the new place, he called the new house "Out-With" which was far different than the previous home. There are no neighbours to begin with. And much smaller in which he found it nuisance. Without his bestfriends that he always played with back in Berlin, he begged his strict non-fatherly Father to move back. He was told to go to his room, alas.

Bruno saw a herd of strange people wearing stripped pyjamas from afar through his small bedroom window. For him, it was weird of course. The nature of him to be an explorer, whilst he was strolling around along the tall fence with barbed wire somewhere nearby, he met a gaunt, bald boy named Shmuel that later on he acknowledged to be his age and surprisingly sharing same birthday with him on the other side of the fence. Day after day, they eventually declared themselves as bestfriend and Bruno agreed to sneak into the other side of the fence to help Shmuel looking for his Papa who he had not seen for few days.

Professor R.J. Lupin in this movie. Well, not his real name of course. He played as Bruno’s father. I used to have crush on him during my Harry Potter’s obsession phase in my life.

Look at how cute he was in Harry Potter: The Prisoner of Azkaban 

My post sounds like a diary of 8 year old child who's in love, I know. And I do not know how to fix the wording font, it's a mess!

The interview for housemanship


Okay where to start?

It's now February, 2017. How time flies omaigod! Well, I had finished with my SPA/KKM interview for Pegawai perubatan siswazah about two weeks ago. Few days before the interview, I was 'mildly' panicking as I felt like my mind was blank like did I really learnt anything in 5 years back in medical school time.

Turns out, it was okay alhamdulillah. One of the interviewers who happened to be a medical doctor from KKM initially asked me which CPG (clinical practice guidelines) I had read for the interview on that day. Oh my god. I had read fews but felt like I wasn't confident enough to tell her (by 'few' I mean two haha). I told her I read Management of Dengue, of Type II Diabetes mellitus, hypertension management (this one I lied because last time I read was one year ago for primary care posting exam haha) and she next asked me, "What about typhoid fever?"

I said no. I was thinking that time "Alamak ada ke CPG for typhoid?

Her next question was straight forward, "Tell me about typhoid fever". In my head I was like, "Ya Allah yes!" but still maintained to look calm (a little bit calm) because I had read about the topic one day earlier right before I fell asleep after had done with the house chores. Yes, I had tried to distract myself from the interview by doing house chores. I hoped there will be blessing from God for helping my mom and hopefully my good deed is able to ward off any ObGyn doctor or orthopedics surgeon as one of my interviewers.  Because I never make revision for those two!

Back to the question she asked, I tried to answer her question properly starting from what's typhoid fever, a little bit of the epidemiology (of typhoid being endemic in Malaysia), the microorganism that caused it, its incubation period, its pathophysiology, clinical features etc but I stuck at the management part. Me being a typical average medical student wasn't sure of the name of antibiotic used to treat typhoid in acute presentation in Malaysia. I tried to save myself by saying, "Because Salmonella typhi and paratyphi are Gram negative bacteria, we should use antibiotics that cover these organisms". No wonder Prof Usha (my Paediatric lecturer back in medical school told me sarcastically whenever I gave non-specific answers to her question, "My dear, I love your diplomatic answer" or  "you'll be a great diplomat in future!"

Kay. -_-"

The interviewer, being unsatisfied but still appeared cool, had asked me the next question, "Yes, tell me the name of antibiotic"

I went kamikaze this time, "Azithromycin?"

Then she nodded. Thank God she didn't ask about the treatment for chronic carrier.

Next question was "As a doctor in Hospital Gua Musang, how you manage patient who is found unconscious?"

I went with ABC (plus don't forget glucose) haha. Then I had had a second thought. "Eh should I tell Call for help first?" haha.

In general, she informed me that I have knowledge, but most of them are scattered around. She advised me to  explain the information systematically and revising stuff before the housemenship starts. Was that so obvious? -_-

Alhamdulillah no questions about general knowledge had been asked by another interviewer. No question about ministries' names or rukun negara, or any questions that would falsely or not reflect my patriotic  feeling for my nation. Pheww. Though I became a little suspicious when she asked me what's my favourite colour. It hit my mind that time, "Eh is she trying to read my personality based on my favourite colour?" haha. I told her I do not have favorite colour. Which is true. Omaigod! she might think I have multiple personality. Just kidding. I think she tried to light up the air because she was aware that I was nervous that time. But it actually made me more nervous when she asked me "Why you don't have fav colour?!"  :D


Sometimes I bake: Simple but divine banana loaf with chocolate chips recipe

Divine? Who are you Syafiqah.

So my current pastime activities include watching some random cooking and baking shows on YouTube. I can go up to 3 hours straight without doing anything else and usually I'd fell asleep after that. Last time I was binge watching Kitchen Nightmares and I was kinda deluded, preoccupied with this grandiose thought that I can now run a restaurant...successfully. See what my life has become.

Anyway, I had just recently  been introduced by the Internet to Chef John who now happens to be my favorite chef! Not that I know lots of chefs. Sometimes I watch his cooking videos just for the sake of listening to his narration.And it's not a surprise, there are a lot of viewers who actually doing so too because he's funny.

So I feel like sharing his recipe on how to make banana loaf but I had modified a little bit. A littleeee bit. I'll guarantee you that baking this will boast your confidence and ego. It's an easy recipe but absolutely delicious. Even after making your very first batch you will start thinking "hey maybe I should start bakery business".

For 8 serving *chuckles*

dry ingredients
All purpose flour- 2 cups
Soda bicarbonate- 1 teaspoon
Baking powder- 1 teaspoon
Salt- 1 teaspoon

wet ingredients
5-6 well ripe bananas (when you're living in Malaysia with its wide variety of bananas you must know which banana means business)
200g butter (simply put, a whole pack of butter you usually see at grocery stores--> use 3/4 of it please don't trust my calculation logic)
1/2 cup of sugar (because the banana will add its perfectly sweet taste..maybe just bananas in Malaysia Idk plus this measurement works if you want to put extra and extra choc chips and not wishing to get diabetes mellitus before 40's)
2 eggs
1 teaspoon essence vanilla
1-2 tbsp warm milk
Chocolate chips (I always go crazy with the amount I put but go with 1/3 cup if you're not sure what you want in your life)
Walnuts (it's advisable to put 1 cup)


1- preheat oven (temperature depends on your oven, I always put within the range of 125-150 degree Celsius)
2- By using a hand whisk, mix dry ingredients
3- chop the bananas with wooden spatula or mash 'em with your clean hand, add the butter and the rest of wet ingredients
4- mix the dry ingredients into the wet one. (Add the mixture of flour etc little by little into the buttery mixture)
5- chocolate chips!
6- bake at 125-150 degree Celcius for 1 hour or until it perfectly baked. (confirm by sticking toothpick or your mom's knife at the centre and it should come out clean)

For the original recipe from Chef John, please click here. Hopefully someday I'll be able to follow the recipe obediently, when I'm out of bananas.

Life so far: Graduated!


Hello what's up? I am aware that my last post was about one year ago haha and past is past there is nothing I can do about it. Well, I had finished  medical school a few months back, being unemployed ever since then while waiting for the housemanship. I don't know it's uncertain when I will be called for the interview, most say at least 6 months. At least. I'm bored! And what make it way 'suckier' is that the government had implemented this new housemenship contract system. That.. I decided not to think about right now. So far, I heard a lot of unpleasantness about this new system. Well, at least it was announced right after I passed my professional exam or else it somehow might demotivated me from studying for that exam haha. And I just realized that I haven't submit the documents to KKM yet T_T

if it's even a word. Oh ya, I have not read any medical book for quite sometimes after graduated (yes I am aware that Medicine is a lifelong learning kind of business) so I'm forcing myself to do some revisions especially stuff that I learnt from pre-clinical years which mostly already became hazier as time goes by. Physiology and Pharmaco! This decision was made after a few weeks of abstinence from medical studying haha. Recently I had an awakening dream (haha) that I was clerking a patient in a ward. Out of nowhere. Again. Who on earth ever dream of that I have no idea. That time it was a pediatric case- a 6 year old girl. I got some mental pictures that its provisional diagnosis would be Hand food mouth disease (HFMD) case because I remember in that dream, the child's mouth and palms were covered with small blisters but nahh, never trust your brain while you were dreaming. Besides, the child had asked me several questions about her sickness. The questions in which (in real life) the parents who are actually might ask you as if you're a pediatrician. What an anxious dream! Anyway, I've already forgot the causative organism lol. Better learn it again.

I had recently apply for several jobs. Shouldn't broadcasting so much because I always heard from somewhere that the job recruiters will google about the applicants :/ I really need a job right now. I want my own money! Seriously I never feel so hopeless without money haha. At least when I was a student, I got allowance every month. Hope to gain some new experience. Kind of bored being in hospital all the time.

By the way, I'd discovered my new favourite TV series!

The Office! I've been binge watching this series for a few weeks now and currently on Season 8. Can't believe I'd actually deleted its video files on my laptot a couple of years ago, thinking it was a boring TV series after watching only the pilot. Syafiqah, that was one of the biggest mistakes in life you've ever done! Melodramatic much. I was so desperate for a new TV series, kind of bored with my previous collection of TV series that I'd illegally downloaded, after countless of time rewatching them (haha) that I thought maybe I should start watching Game of Thrones. Heard lots of nudity and incest so yeah, maybe I put that on hold because you see.. I am trying to be a better Muslim you know so...

............then I met Michael Scott! "Don't drop the soap...don't drop the soap"

of random stranger part 2
So I want to write (or typing whatever) the continuation for my previous post which I posted about 2-3 years ago. Speaking of procrastination. This was about a random stranger that I've met in the hospital where I did my clinical in the third year.

"While I was at hospital, I'd usually chilling around at prayer room for a while after had clerking 1-2 patients before bed-side teaching session started.  There was this one day, when I meet this lady in her 40's in the room. She was alone and was lying down on cold floor, asleep. When I entered the room. I had unintentionally woke her up by switching on the light because at first, I thought nobody was in. She looked at me, smiled slightly and continued to sleep but in different position which she might feel comfortable and appropriate. I took a sit on the floor, leaning against the wall nearby her, checking my phone, reading those so-called funny whatsapp comments/jokes/slandering from my group members *blerghhh*, scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed, reading my handbook and stuff. It was not long after that, she woke up and holding the tasbeeh and rolling the beads one by one. I was sure she did zikr'...."

Actually, it wasn't a suspense story and I can't remember why I wanted to tell about this on here. Anyway, make it short...this lady was there because her teenage son was involved in an accident involving a motorcycle (his son) and a car? I don't remember. He was warded in Intensive care unit. At that time we met, her son had slowly regained consciousness after 2-3 days in coma or in sedation I don't know and she told me that the doctors (orthopedists) informed her that they needed to amputate her son's leg up to to the knee. And she had already gave consent so the leg was now gone. But the mother was hesitated to tell the son when he woke up and the son never realized he had lost his leg. Phantom limb! I think. So she was in dilemma and she asked me how should she tell her son what really happened. I was young and naive medical student back then (haha) but thankfully, I did not give any pretentious TV series-inspired dialogues. I think I never gave her any answer because I thought she's the mother and she knows best. Or not I don't know. Because I'd acknowledged from somewhere (maybe from TV?) that sometimes it's a person's wish to tell someone what's on their mind without being judged only for the sake of being listened to. Even to a stranger. 

So thats all. Bye!



So I wanted to tell about my nightmare a few days ago. Feel like mentioning on here. Not that I believe it will come true in future but because it was interesting. It was a nightmare but still, interesting.

So this heart-pounding dream. I slept only for a couple of hour. Had problem adjusting sleep after 4 days break. 5 including a day when school had to be closed because of  high index of air pollution. Haze is bad. So do the people who caused it.

Thought maybe I got that nightmare because I am currently in psychiatry posting plus I'd just purchased The Silence of the Lambs book.

Anyway, about the bad dream. I dreamt that  I'd somehow had joined a sort-of youth club's activity running by the government. What kind of activity? An activity where you can know Hannibal Lecters much closer. Acknowledging his 'habitat'. I saw forest.

My friend and I, though I actually didn't see her face nor could't assume who she was, were little bit late to the opening ceremony of the activity. We were in rush, running along the sidewalks nowhere I know into a building and finally entered an auditorium. Thought it was an indoor auditorium but as we entered, I found myself in a somebody's not-so-big house backyard with benches which had been arranged in two column, 7-8 rows in each. As we were already late, I saw only the back bench that still unoccupied. My stranger friend and I took a sit among other participants, all males, chit-chatting among us. Then, we were silenced by a cough from behind. By 'we' I mean the whole audience. The cough sounded normal though. I mean like the sound of smoker cough, dry and only once.

I heard someone said "It was Hannibal Lecter!"

Now now, when I'd told you about the activity's agenda- i.e. getting know about Lecter better, it supposed to be in the absence of him. So when hearing his name mentioned, I'd suddenly become horrified. Felt like my heart beating in my throat. Sitting on back bench with a wall just about the level of a 6 ft person's chest did not help me to ease my extreme anxiety though Hannibal wasn't visible yet. Because the cough was heard  just from behind this seem-to-be unhelpful brick wall which was covered with mosses. Imagining Hannibal decapitated me with a sharp teeny tiny rope in a slick manner in a blink  make me shuddered. Just like in the movie. But in the movie, he had excavated the viscera from the abdomen of his victim.

Suddenly I saw a-not-fully-occupied bench in the middle of the crowd. Maybe on the third or forth row. Without thinking, I ran toward the seat. I felt somewhat safe after that as now I was sadwished with people. Next, I'd turned my head to the back, mouthing words to my friend at the back, telling her to come infront beside me as soon as possible before Hannibal make his appearance. She got what I was trying to tell her and ran toward me while everyone else was sitting down in terror. As she came nearer, before entering the row where I sat, a ballpen out of nowhere was thrown to her forehead in a jiffy, "penetrating" his frontal bone halfway. She was in shocked, her wide-opened eyes staring at me before fall down on earth, her head just near my feet.

Hannibal appeared with his speech from behind. You know, the kind of speech with tone like when he was talking to Clarice Starlings int the prison. I didn't  really pay attention what he was saying as I was horrified but I knew he was talking about me,  of being coward. Remember when he spoke about how he ate the liver of his victim with fava beans and then make a horrifying sound with his tongue rattled against his teeth. Hissing sound.  In my dream, he make it again. He walked slowly towards me as he spoke and stopped near me, smiling.

Last thing I remember, I saw a girl, no no, a woman, behind a long table that served the buffet, standing besides Hannibal, she wanted to run away but know it was impossible, so she just stood there . I thought it was me in a depersonalization state.. Her flesh on her fingers  was sliced obliquely at the tips, one by one by Doctor Lecter, like slicing chilies. The finger tips were intentionally dropped into a salad bowl. She was screaming in agony. Nobody had helped her.

I woke up in terror.